


Patsy and Fenris vs. The Lingerie of Misery

by bettydice (BettyKnight)



Series: Kirkmall AU [6]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: #relatable, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Kirkmall AU, Kirkmall B-Sides
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-08
Updated: 2016-01-08
Packaged: 2018-05-12 14:10:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5668816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BettyKnight/pseuds/bettydice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Patsy and Fenris vs. The Lingerie of Misery

**Author's Note:**

  * For [codenamecynic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/codenamecynic/gifts).



Fenris stared at the door of the Brewmother, wishing for another customer to come to release him from the boredom of waiting around until it was time to close up. He’d made plans with Patsy to hang out later and he really didn’t see the point of a coffee shop closing later than a video game shop. The customers apparently didn’t either and stayed as far away as possible. As he began re-stacking the cookies for the third time, his phone dinged and distracted him from… nothing! There was nothing he could be distracted from! _Ugh._

**Patsy:** pls come to andrastes knickers  
 **Fenris:**??? still working  
 **Patsy:** FENRIS PLEASE !!!!!!!!!  
 **Fenris:** k   
**Patsy:** I’m in the back in a dressing room

This was as mysterious as it was alarming. Andraste’s Knickers was a store for complicated looking undergarments, or at least that’s all he could tell from their display. Not at all the kind of underwear Patsy preferred and at this point he was quite confident that he’d seen pretty much all of it. He also couldn’t imagine her asking him to leave work simply because she needed a second opinion while buying clothes. Didn’t she do all her shopping online, anyway? Growing a bit worried, he quickly took off his much-hated orange apron and asked Merrill to look after the store alone for a while in exchange for that she could come in late tomorrow (“Aw perfect, then I can check on my bees in the morning!”) .

There were barely any people left in the Kirkmall as he hurried over to Andraste’s Knickers (thankfully it was right next to L3v3l Up), most stores were already closed or about to. In fact, the Brewmother was one of the places that closed last and he should probably complain to his boss about that. Except then he’d have to talk to him and he really wanted to avoid that. How anyone could be so clueless and friendly in such an aggravating way, he had no idea.

The sales girl in Andraste’s didn’t even look up as he entered, completely engrossed in whatever was on her phone screen, so he was able to make his way to the back of the store without any interruptions. Though he did feel pretty out of place between all the lace and satin and complex garments that looked as though they were just as troublesome to put on as to take off again.

Only one of the dressing rooms seemed to be occupied and he hesitantly tapped against the curtain.

“Patsy?”, he whispered, really hoping that it was her and not someone who’d judge him forever for creeping around in a lingerie shop.

“Oh thank fuck!”, it came muffled from behind the curtain and then a hand appeared, grabbed him by the collar and pulled him inside the cabin. He found himself opposite Patsy, the dressing room barely wide enough to accommodate them both. Patsy looked just like that time she’d helped him carry library books up to his flat; her face was flushed and sweaty, her hair tousled and her eye-makeup slightly smudged. Except she hadn’t been wearing what looked like a mixture of a black mini-dress and a corset back then, which… well, on her body it looked much more appealing than those contraptions back in the store.

“Are you alright?” He tried to keep his ogling to a minimum, since she didn’t look too happy to be wearing whatever it was you called this particular apparel.

“No, I’m not.” Patsy let out an exasperated sigh and rubbed her face, further increasing the smudge around her eyes. “I’m stuck. The zipper is stuck.”

She sounded so positively miserable as she turned around to present the offending piece that Fenris didn’t even dare to comment in any way on the situation and immediately rushed to unzip her. Except for that the damned thing didn’t move at all.

“Uh, just… wait a moment.” He tried again, using more force but it made no difference.

She only buried her face in her hands and groaned for several seconds. Fenris pulled on the zipper with increasing force though always wary not to accidentally rip it off. Why didn’t this open? Why did they even sell these satin prisons? Was it some kind of elaborate form of contraception? Though it’s not like they wouldn’t still be able to have sex, he’d just have to push up the skirt a bit and… _Focus._

“So, how was your day?” If he made small talk she wouldn’t notice how he totally failed at unzipping her, right?

“It was alright until I got trapped in this… _this thing!_ ” His diversionary tactic was definitely not a success.

“Why did you even try this on, your underwear is usually… a lot easier to take off.”

“Well, I was gonna wait ‘til you finished work and got bored and I thought, hey lingerie is a thing people with boyfriends buy and then I did look really hot in this, before I spent 10 minutes trying to get it off anyway and Bela is already home and I can’t ask Bobby because she didn’t shut up about the last dressing room incident and well… thanks for coming over so quickly, anyway.”

She peered at him over her shoulder and he pressed a soft kiss to her lips before gently wiping away her smudged makeup with his thumbs.

“You do look very hot. Which makes the whole not-being-able-to-take-it-off thing even more frustrating.” He tugged on the zipper a few more times to emphasize his point. “I think some fabric is stuck in there. Maybe we can pull it over your head?”

A few minutes, some pulled out hairs and lots of swearing later, the corset dress was bunched up around Patsy’s hips, any attempt at pulling it over her head or down her legs had utterly failed.  She frowned down at it and sighed.

“Great, now my head hurts and my tits are cold.” Her breasts were in fact bare and her nipples looked quite unhappy about it. Fenris rubbed his hands a few times to warm them up and then placed them over her boobs, earning him a smirk.

“Very thoughtful, but there’s still the issue of us probably having to cut me out of this, which means I have to buy it and it’s really fucking expensive, Fenris.” She grabbed the price tag and waved it around. “96 fucking dollars!”

“What the fuck? Yeah, no, we gotta get you out of this immediately.” He let go of her boobs and moved the corset around until he could look at the zipper again. “Do you have something thin and sharp in your bag?”

“I have my sword.” She grinned and grabbed her keys from the bag and dangled them in front of him, the small Sting replica keychain he’d given her once glinting at them, full of promise.

“Perfect.”

Sting cut through fabric as smoothly as it cut through orcs and soon, the maker-forsaken zipper started moving. As he removed the corset from her with a pleased smirk, she threw her arms around him and kissed him, thoroughly.

“You’re not gonna buy this, are you?”

“Fuck no.”


End file.
